


Blood Ties

by Madin456



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Family, Gen, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-23 20:56:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6129825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madin456/pseuds/Madin456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because no matter what they say, it’s hard being born into the Zoldyck family. – The Zoldyck children, their life, and how there is so much more to them than simply the death count on their blood-stained fingertips.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Child: Illumi

_Despite being assassins, they each have the most human of desires: Illumi looks to be rewarded for his dedication, Milluki silently begs to be understood, Killua wishes to be normal, Alluka wants acceptance, and Kalluto craves approval._

In the beginning, there is only trust.

When Illumi is born, he remembers opening his eyes for the very first time and reaching out to the dark-haired woman who is holding him—his mother.

“He’s beautiful,” he hears Kikyo murmur, and though he has no idea what the words mean yet, it is the only time he has every truly felt _beautiful_.

He feels himself being moved as his mother—her fingers brush against his soft cheeks and he wonders, why are her nails so sharp?—passes him over to the silver-haired man beside her, whom Illumi can only guess is his father, before he carries him out of the room.

It doesn’t take him long to realize that his trust is misplaced.

His training starts right away, immediately. He is exposed to a dark room full of sharp and pointy objects, metal chains hanging from the ceiling, a variety of whips placed conveniently on a table by the entrance to be used at any time. Years later, he will learn that this is area is called the Isolation Room, and he will remember it as the place filled with sobs and screams and blood and punishment; the place where he gave up his humanity in order to make the pain _stop_.

And even later, much later, when the electrocutions no longer affect him and the poisons don’t paralyze him anymore, he will return here one day, not to be tortured, but to do the torturing. He will have the honour of making his younger brothers experience the same things he went through every day, every week, every year. First Milluki, then Killua, then Kalluto…

When he thinks about that fact, he smiles because _oh, dear brothers, how he looks forward to getting to know each of them one by one._

.

At thirteen, his mother and father call everyone to gather together for a family meeting. The room is cold, like anywhere else in the Zoldyck mansion, and it is here that Killua is officially announced to be the next heir.

Thirteen-year-old Illumi is furious. Had he just heard them correctly? He is the oldest, the _strongest_ , the one who has endured the most training, and not mention the most capable—and yet, a mere four-year-old is going to be promoted before him? The dark-haired assassin’s eyes darken. This is absurd.

One glance over at Killua shows him that his brother is barely even paying attention to what’s going on. It makes him fume. “Mother, father—”

“Illumi,” Silva cuts him off, voice authoritative as always, “from now on, you will be in charge of training Killua until he becomes a respectable assassin. With your current skills, I’m sure it well be no problem.” The man gives him the slightest indication of a smile and Illumi can’t help but feel a sense of pride swell up in his chest at the compliment. (So then why isn’t he good enough? Why isn’t _he_ going to be the heir?) “Tomorrow, you will bring your brother along with you on your next job and you will accompany him during his first kill. Do you understand?” 

Illumi grits his teeth. “Yes, father.”

“Good,” Silza nods in approval, and the meeting is adjourned.

The next day, Illumi still doesn’t get what mother and father see in his brother. He is practically dragging along the four-year-old up the stairs of their target’s house because Killua is just a _kid_ and kids have the attention span of five seconds and they’re curious about _everything_ and honestly, Illumi didn’t sign up for a _babysitting job_.

“Come on, Kil,” he doesn’t bother hiding the harsh edge in his voice as he grabs the boy’s arm, squeezing hard, causing the young Zoldyck to wince. If he didn’t have to bring his brother here, he would’ve already finished the assassination long ago.

After a painful ten minutes—ten minutes too long—they finally make it to their target’s bedroom. The two brothers stand beside the bed as they watch the rhythmic breathing of the man, and Illumi doesn’t have to tell Killua to be silent or to conceal his presence; they have completely blended in with the shadows and even if someone were to walk into the room, no one wouldn’t have noticed them.

Illumi assess Killua’s technique. He is perfectly still, a neutral expression on his face as he observes the sleeping figure on the bed. The teen recalls that on their way here, the young heir’s footsteps had been light as he stepped on creaky floorboards without even making an echo of a sound. Impressive, but all this should be as easy as breathing for an assassin of his age.

In a low whisper, he gives the order, _“Kill him.”_

Barely a second passes before Killua drives a clawed hand through the sleeping man’s throat. In a swift action, he shakes the fresh blood off his fingers and turns to face Illumi with a smile, beaming. “I got him in one shot! What do you think, aniki? How did I do?” And although the older sibling’s face is still expressionless, he is _shocked_ on the inside because there had been no hesitation whatsoever and, if anything, the boy seems to be _excited_ about ending a man’s life.

His eyes harden. He understands now—understands why Killua was chosen as the heir. “You did… well,” he admits and the white-haired boy’s grin widens. On the way back home, Killua is a ball of energy, bouncing with pride as he chatters on nonstop to himself about how he _can’t believe that killing someone is so easy!_ and _aniki, why didn’t you tell me this was so much fun?_

When they arrive back at home, Illumi goes to report to his father. There is a knowing look on the man’s face.

“What are your observations, son?” Silva asks.

Illumi thinks back to how Killua’s hand didn’t shake as it plunged into living flesh; how he might already be well on his way to mastering Rhythm Echo, an assassination technique that requires precise control of his footsteps—another skill called Shadow Step—and complete concentration of the user. He was able to put his speed to use and showed no signs of discomfort at the sight of blood, something that cannot be said for when Milluki made his first kill.

The eldest son bows his head and feels his anger for being overlooked as the next successor subsiding. “I will train him into a worthy heir.”

Silva gives him the smallest of smiles. Illumi is dismissed.


	2. Second Child: Milluki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Milluki still remembers the way those teal eyes—still soft, still so hopeful—stared back at him.

Fat. Lazy. Computer geek. Filthy _otaku_.

No one understands Milluki.

He’s the only one who has a _life_ , don’t they see that?

Kalluto is nothing put a puppet; a toy for their mother to use to pass the time. He is obedient to the point where Milluki wonders if the young Zoldyck even has a personality of his own. Being indifferent to anything thrown his way, willingly dressing up in girls’ clothing—Kalluto is a mindless _doll_. Whatever he is ordered to do will be done, a very different lifestyle than the one the second son leads; they are on different extremes of the same spectrum.

And Illumi—role model, big brother Illumi—is so devoted to assassinations that it’s _ridiculous._ He’s barely ever home, taking on a new job right after he’s just come back from one. Milluki doesn’t think he can live like that, just passing the days by, one kill after another. What a boring life. The thrill of plunging a hand into a person’s chest dies down rather quickly, which is why he prefers torture over the actual killing.

He especially enjoys whipping Killua. (Alright, so maybe he’s a bit of a sadist, but aren’t they all a little messed up on the inside? Being a Zoldyck does that to you.)

Killua: the genius, the prodigy, the heir to the family business despite being only the third child. The one everyone fusses over. Perfect Killua wins the attention of everyone in the family: mother fawns over him, father has high expectations of him, grandfather clearly favours him, Illumi goes to great lengths to train him, even Kalluto regards him with admiration… he’s just such a precious _star_ , isn’t he? Milluki scowls.

But there are days, more days than Milluki will ever confess, when he can’t help but think that if Killua had been born before him, he would have looked up to the white-haired boy too. His skills, however difficult to admit, are well-polished and commendable, has been ever since a young age.

If you were to go past the appearances and forced pretenses, the two of them, Milluki and Killua, are very much alike. Maybe that’s why they got along so well in the past, when they were younger and more accepting; maybe that’s why they grew apart.

They’re both, to a degree, dishonest about their true feelings—always have been, still are to this day. The first time he is ordered to whip Killua, he could see the hurt and betrayal on the white-haired boy’s face. Dangling inches above the ground, hands tied up to metal chains, Killua is rendered helpless in the Isolation Room. Milluki still remembers the way those teal eyes—still soft, still so hopeful—stared back at him. He wants nothing more than to drop the torture weapon in his hands (because he is _weak_ , mentally weak and will do anything to ensure that he isn’t at the receiving end of anger or disappointment), but big brother Illumi is there, and so are mama and papa and even grandpa Zeno.

So he flings the whip back. Then forward. And back. And forward.

“Harder,” they order him when Killua tries to endure the pain; harder until screams are drawn out of the eight-year-old’s moth and pleas fall to deaf ears.

Milluki ends up giving Killua scars. He gives his younger brother _scars_ at the age of _eight_ that take weeks to heal, and even then they aren’t completely gone. Throughout the entire session, Milluki’s face is blank, void of emotion, a practiced neutral expression all Zoldycks learn to master at one point or another.

He loses count of the amount of times he apologizes to Killua is his head (because he is not only _weak_ but also a _coward_ ). He watches his brother go through the breaking point, when those teal eyes—not so soft anymore, not nearly as hopeful—turn hard and cold, filled with hatred toward Illumi and mama and papa and _him_.

Milluki watches his brother break, _causes_ his brother to break, and after all these years, Killua still hasn’t forgiven him. He hasn’t entirely forgiven himself, either.

They don’t talk after that day. Killua doesn’t understand what Milluki had done to him, but Killua also understand _exactly_ what Milluki had done to him, and things will never be the same between them anymore.

Eight-year-old Killua, eyes no longer soft, no longer hopeful, leaves Milluki and turns to Illumi.

For Milluki, it’s easier to allow himself to hate the Zoldyck heir. It’s Killua’s own fault for not being stronger and more resilient to high levels of pain. It had only been a few minutes of whippings (minutes that soon turn into hours, then days, then weeks) and it’s not _his_ fault, _not his fault_ if the white-haired boy couldn’t even withstand a few beatings.

For Milluki, it’s easier to hate the Zoldyck heir because the alternative would be to hate himself.

And it happens again and again and again. With each time that he whips Killua, his guilt lessens and it starts to feel _good_ that he can take his anger out on something. It feels good and Milluki finds that with each torture session, he is becoming less and less merciful. He swings the whip with full force. He laughs to the sound of leather hitting bruised skin. He enjoys the helpless look on his brother’s battered up face and revels in the chocked out begging sounds echoing throughout the room.

When Killua stabs him and their mother right before he runs away from Zoldyck grounds, Kikyo is delighted but Milluki is furious. Torture subjects are _not_ supposed to fight back.

Illumi asks him, on multiple occasions, whether he knows the whereabouts of Killua’s current location or if he is capable of finding it by doing whatever it is he does on the computer. He replies with a scowl and says _no, of course not, why would I want anything to do with that brat,_ but when the dark-haired assassin leaves, Milluki does a quick search to see if Killua has checked into anything connected to the internet lately. He tracks his brother down and feels his blood boil when he realizes that Killua is _happy_ now.

(But he also can’t mistake the feeling of relief when he sees that his brother has made friends—friends who will be there for him when Milluki isn’t, when Milluki _can’t_.)

And Illumi finds out where Killua is too, a few days later, because Illumi _always_ finds out in the end, but Milluki is the only one who stays with the ex-assassin throughout everything, from his room, silently watching. He is plotting his revenge, thinking of even worse ways to torture Killua for whenever he sees him again, Milluki convinces himself, but deep down, he knows that there’s another reason he is watching the ex-assassin—one that he will never admit to himself.

The white-haired boy starts off at the Hunter Exam, then goes to the Heaven’s Arena, and it isn’t long after that that Milluki receives a phone call about Greed Island. There’s a second voice in the background on his brother’s end, worried-sounding, asking if Killua is sure that he wants to contact his family again, and Milluki can’t say that he isn’t surprised either. (Because Killua _hates_ him and he _hates_ Killua, he really, _really_ despises Killua, but at the same time, a little part of his in undeniably _glad_ that the ex-assassin called.)

They go through their usual banter over static phone lines but there’s less of an edge to both their voices this time, and Milluki thinks that maybe, _maybe_ they’ve both grown out of their (admittedly stubborn) grudge toward each other. Time and distance apart has allowed them to view things from a different perspective. As the conversation nears its end, silence fills the line for a long minute until Killua breaks it with a _“thanks”_ and it’s unexpected and it’s been so long since either of them have shown gratitude for each other that Milluki is almost shocked into replying with something _nice_ , but then the line is cut and the otaku only frowns.

He has to remind himself that Killua isn’t actually thanking _him_ ; the white-haired boy is just glad he got information out of him so he won’t have to go through the effort of searching it up himself. All this doesn’t stop the wave of nostalgia that washes over Milluki, however, so he goes back to typing away at his computer and tries to forget how it had been with him and Killua in the past, before soft, teal eyes turned hard.

He crunches on a chip loudly, angrily. The only person who truly understands Millki is considered a traitor in his family, hates his guts, and is currently miles away exploring the world with _friends_ , of all things, but maybe that’s not so bad. Maybe that’s better than having no one understand him at all.

Milluki heaves a sigh and moves on to polishing his figurines, content with just watching over his brother from behind the screen for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did the backstory about Milluki and Killua and the whippings happen in the actual series? I don’t know. Probably not. But I kind of like this headcanon. So yeah.  
> I liked this chapter overall, even if I did end up making Milluki seem like a stalker haha.  
> Tell me what you think! Killua’s chapter is next. (If anyone has any ideas regarding Killua’s past for the next chapter, I’d love to hear what you have in mind! I only have a very vague concept right now.)


	3. Third Child: Killua

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua takes a good look at this stranger and almost doesn’t believe it when he registers who it is. “Elf Ears,” he snarls, the humiliating defeat from earlier still fresh in his mind. “What are you doing here?”

A long, _long_ time ago, Killua would have said that he liked his family.

He still remembers the days when hanging out with big brother Illumi was more than just a torture session, and when he and Milluki could stay in the same room without exchanging insults every minute. The days when he had enough free time to cut paper dolls with Kalluto, an era before Alluka was locked away.

All that, however, is now nothing more than a faint memory in the back of Killua’s mind, buried deep underneath scars and bruises that have long since invaded his thoughts. It’s one of the few fond memories he still has of his siblings.

He recalls the turning point clearly. A single visit to Heaven’s Arena changed everything.

Illumi drops him off at the arena and registers him for his first fight. “I’ll come back to pick you up once you reach the two hundredth floor,” the older Zoldyck leads him to his hotel room with those final words before departing. Two years will pass before Killua sees his family again, though at the time, he was still arrogant and naïve, foolish enough to think that he could return to Kukuroo Mountain in only a week’s time.

The first fifty floors are a breeze. He barely even has to lift a finger because of how much they underestimate him since _hey, he’s only a kid_ and _there’s no way he can hope to win against someone three times his size._ After his first fight, he is given a ticket that allows him to skip to the twentieth floor and, okay, he admits that as a child, he let this small moment of victory get to his head a bit too much.

Not long after, he faces Umori, one of the Amori brothers. Umori spends a good five minutes boasting about how he’s going to spend his prize money after he beats up his shrimp of an opponent. Killua waits patiently for him to finish his grand speech before sprinting forward and landing a solid kick to the teen’s face. Umori is instantly knocked out and the Zoldyck heir is well on his way to getting to the top of the tower.

It takes him about half a year to get to the hundredth floor, which is completely unacceptable and aggravates six-year-old Killua to no end. He needs to step it up a notch, he decides; Illumi would never have taken this long to defeat a few measly challengers. He’s going to finish all his battles quickly and then he’s going to go back _home_. At least, that’s the plan.

On the one hundred and thirty-seventh floor, he is defeated for the first time.

The person at the other side of the ring this time is a boy around his age with shaggy brown hair and long bangs that cover part of his face. He’s a fairly skinny kid with pointed ears and he stands with his arms rigid by his sides as if he doesn’t know what to do with them. Killua hasn’t even bothered to remember his name, though maybe they could have been friends considering the fact that he hasn’t seen anyone else as young as him once he passed the hundredth floor a while ago.

The brown-haired boy remains strangely quiet the entire time, unlike the others he’s faced, who all liked to inflate their own egos. _Whatever,_ Killua rolls his eyes, stretching his arms as the referee counts down to one; his opponent will soon be unconscious on the floor anyway, so it doesn’t matter.

When the whistle blows signaling the start of their match, Killua leaps forward. He draws his hand back and releases a punch at the other boy, aiming directly for his stomach, when he realizes that he is only met with air. Two seconds is all he needs to retaliate, but it’s two seconds too slow; the elf-eared boy is right beside him, close, _way too close_ , and before he knows it, his legs are swept out from under him in one fluid movement.

He lands with a _thud_ on the ground. His instincts kick in as he uses the momentum to follow up with a backwards summersault to distance himself from Elf Ears. Dizziness fills his head but he shakes away the feeling of being disorientated, because he needs to _focus_. There is barely enough time to block a fist that is coming toward him and he slides back a couple of meters due to the impact.

The assassin’s eyes burns with rage. He charges straight again but feints to his left this time, cutting through the flesh of the brown-haired boy’s arm with a clawed hand. Elf Ears lets out a whimper in pain, but still manages to stay on his feet. Killua’s sharp nails seem to surprise him for a moment before he runs for the white-haired boy, and he is _fast_. With one arm limp and the other occupied to apply pressure to the wound, Elf Ears resorts to kicking, a fury of strikes assaulting his target at once. For the most part, Killua manages to dodge them, but one strong blow makes contact with his chest, and he can almost _hear_ his ribs cracking.

After that, as the headache from earlier comes back in full force and his body is physically weakened due to all the damage he’s endured, everything becomes a blur. Elf Ears continues to attack him, because of course opponents won’t wait for him to clear his head, and Killua screams at his legs to _move, damn it, move!_ but it’s no use. He receives hit after hit, punch followed by punch, and in minutes, his vision starts to fail him as the world dissolves into the darkness. At some point, he thinks he even coughed up blood.

He hears the high-pitched sound of the whistle again just as he falls to the floor and doesn’t even have the time to curse before he’s out cold.

The familiarity of his hotel room welcomes him when he awakes. There are bandages all over his body and it’s a struggle to sit up, the pain in his ribs increasing with every small movement he makes. It takes a few minutes for him to realize that he has company in the room and he’s more than a little startled when he hears a voice call out.

“Hey, you’re up. How do you feel?”

Killua blinks. The voice is soft and somehow sounds filled with emotion and monotone at the same time. He takes a good look at this stranger and almost doesn’t believe it when he registers who it is. “Elf Ears,” he snarls, the humiliating defeat from earlier still fresh in his mind. “What are you doing here?”

“I carried you back after the nurses fixed you up,” he offers a small smile. “You’re Killua, right? I’m sorry, I—I didn’t mean to hurt you this much.” A pause, and then, “If you need anything, I can get it for you, since the doctors said you should stay in bed until you heal.”

“Go away,” the white-haired boy’s demand is cut off by a fit of coughs. “I don’t need your help.” When the boy remains silent in his seat, the assassin sends him a glare. “I said _leave_.”

Maybe he had articulated the words too strongly or maybe he let too much of his killing intent show, but Elf Ears flinches as the threat leaves Killua’s mouth. “O-okay… um, see you later, I guess…” He gets up to leave, and Killua only relaxes when he hears the sound of the door clicking shut.

They do see each other after that, too often for the assassin’s liking. Although they aren’t paired up in a tournament again, the occasional interactions in the hallway and at the dining area and even in the bathrooms are too much for him to handle. It’s beyond awkward, mostly because Elf Ears always gives Killua a smile and then Killua will proceed to return the polite gesture by ignoring him completely.

One day, when Killua is browsing through the store looking for ways to spend all the money he’s earned from previous fights, he notices Elf Ears come in and purchase a chocolate bar. He’s always thought that chocolates shaped into robots was kind of dumb and childish, but curiosity gets the better of him and he decides to get one too, after Elf Ears exits the shop.

He takes a bite into it, expecting just normal chocolate, but the way it melts on his tongue and the warm feeling of it settling in his stomach throws him off entirely. It’s _delicious._ So the next day, he goes back and orders the whole inventory of Robo-chocolates and ends up with boxes upon boxes of junk food in his room. He almost regrets it for a second, until he sees the confused and devastated look on Elf Ears’ face when the cashier tells him that they’re all sold out. Killua counts this a payback for the tournament.

The two of them go through these phases every day for almost a year. After a year passes, he gets a visit from Illumi, who brings him back home. Except it’s not really _home_ anymore, is it? There were nights spent at the Heaven’s Arena where six-year-old Killua cried and cried to be taken away because being there was _painful_. Although he has many, many stitches as proof of his injuries, the pan isn’t like what he experienced back at Kukuroo Mountain; this is more emotional embarrassment. Humiliation. Shame.

_A Zoldyck heir taking two whole years to make it to the two hundredth floor? Unacceptable._

At home, he is praised constantly by mother and always taken care of by the butlers. Outside though, in the Heaven’s Arena, he is just a kid. He hates the feeling of having unspoken expectations on his shoulders all the time, hates feeling incompetent and inferior, _hates_ having to turn away from Elf Ears whenever they cross paths because _assassins aren’t supposed to make friends_. As he walks out of the building with Illumi, he squeezes his brother’s hand tightly, almost wishing that he could crush the bones and then just run away.

There was once a time in his life when Killua liked his family.

But not anymore. That was a long, long time ago.


	4. Fourth Child: Alluka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are two souls occupying one body and it’s something that shouldn’t work, shouldn’t exist. But here they are, existing, and that’s what frightens people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note on Alluka’s gender: I believe that she’s a trans female so I will be using she/her pronouns.

Alluka is born defective.

At least, that’s what everyone tells her. There are constant hush-hush whispers circulating between the butlers when they think she isn’t listening. And then they smile at her like nothing’s wrong, like they’re her best friends, like they weren’t just calling her _monster_ and _freak_ behind her back. It makes her sick.

She isn’t stupid. She may not be able to conceal her presence as well as Illumi or provide technological support like Milluki or display Killua’s natural talent for assassination, but _she isn’t stupid._ She just wishes that people would stop treating her as if she is.

Though she’d take people spreading rumours about her over being treated like she isn’t even there any day. Because at one point, not just the butlers but her family members too, seems to have had enough of her. It’s better, they decide, to act like she doesn’t exist. Like her birth itself is a mistake.

“I don’t get why they’re locking us up, Nanika… what did we do wrong? Why do they hate us?”

Nanika never replies but it’s nice to know that she’s listening—it’s nice to know that there’s still _someone_ who still listens to her.

Alluka spends the days going through the numerous toys in the room and having one-sided conversations with a person she’s never even seen before. She talks to Nanika every day, all the time, sometimes speaking out loud and sometimes just thinking thoughts. It doesn’t matter if the words leave her lips or not; Nanika always understands.

For the second youngest Zoldyck sibling, talking to Nanika is the most natural thing in the world.

And then, one day, many years later when it’s already far too late, realization hits her in full force. The reason why the butlers would act so cautious around her, why her mother and father and brothers all started to look at her with fear, why she ended up quarantined in a cell in the basement behind steel doors—it’s _because_ she talks to Nanika.

No one else has a Nanika in them; it’s not _normal_. They are two souls occupying one body and it’s something that shouldn’t work, shouldn’t exist. But here they are, existing, and that’s what frightens people.

Alluka looks around the room she’s grown so accustomed to seeing. Countless stuffed animals are lined up perfectly in rows on the shelves at the back and on all the walls are crayon drawings from when she was younger and didn’t know any better. She checks herself in the mirror above her dresser and twirls in in well-made dress, avoiding the miscellaneous things scattered on the floor. It’s not so bad, she thinks.

In the end, she can’t bring herself to hate anyone.

.

Nanika rarely comes out anymore, and Alluka supposes that’s precisely what her family wants.

She’s not exactly sure what happens when she switches places with Nanika but almost every time, Nanika returns with tears in her dark eyes, looking as if she’s about to cry. Alluka tries her best to comfort her but Nanika always retreats to a corner and remains silent for the rest of the day. It makes Alluka sad.

So maybe, if they’re able to control who appears on the outside at will, then mother and father will allow them to go back to living in the main house, like before. Both of them are older now and understand things they never understood in the past, and Alluka has hope that if they behave themselves _really_ well, it’ll be okay. They won’t be locked up anymore. It’ll be okay.

(Because even though they’re not alone and they have each other—it still gets lonely being isolated in their room all the time.)

They try it. Alluka gets Milluki’s attention by waving at the cameras installed into the room and he calls everyone else over. The Zoldycks are crowded in the second son’s bedroom, talking through speakers because they need to be careful and Alluka understands that they’re still _scared_. But that’s what this whole thing is for: to get the two parties to acknowledge each other and start over. After all, they are still family, right? _(Right?)_

Agreement finally settles after many hours of debate and lots of convincing from Killua’s end. Alluka doesn’t remember the last time the heavy metal doors of her room opened, but when they slide apart this time, she has never felt happier. The entire family stands tensely in front of her and she launches herself at her white-haired brother.

She looks at the rest of the Zoldycks and takes note on how they have all changed since she last saw them. It’s been _years_. Illumi has grown out his hair but his eyes are still as piercing as she recalls them to be; Milluki has definitely gained some weight, but the scowl on his face tells her that he’s still the exact same person; Killua is taller, and stronger, and he is undoubtedly the very brother who used to play with her when she was younger; and wait, who’s this?

The shortest member of the family has short, black hair and his dark purple eyes stare at Alluka almost hatefully. The kimono wrapped tightly around his body throws Alluka off for a moment—he didn’t used to wear one—but that thought is quickly pushed aside because, after all, she has a dress on herself. _This must be Kalluto,_ the name comes to her and she feels herself getting excited because Kalluto had only been a _baby_ before she got locked away and sometimes, she forgets that she isn’t the youngest sibling.

Alluka greets her family members one by one, bouncing from person to person, beyond enthusiastic. When she is done, she feels her mind getting hazy and— _oh no_ —this is a sign that she’s about to be pulled back in. “Wait, Nanika, you can’t…” Alluka fights hard to stay conscious because they only _just_ got out and they _can’t_ screw up already.

There is just one condition to the deal she made with her parents and it is that before she is allowed to come out of her room, she has to promise not to switch places with Nanika— _ever_.

She had agreed, hoping that over time they would come realize that Nanika doesn’t mean any harm. They would prove Nanika’s innocence together, but not yet— _this is too early._ The timing is all _wrong._

Nanika gives in eventually and reluctantly stays hidden, but the feeling of grief and sadness that Alluka gets from her breaks Alluka’s heart. It’s the right thing to do, she knows, because otherwise, they wouldn’t have a chance at all, but Alluka isn’t the only one who has been lonely this whole time.

Nanika just wants to interact with other people, too.

After that, Alluka has the time of her life. She doesn’t spend any time alone to make up for the lost time when she couldn’t be around her family in her cell. Wherever her siblings are, she would be there too.

The dark-haired girl can be found bouncing on Milluki’s bed, playing with his figurines like she would with her stuffed animals and when he yells furiously at her before kicking her out of his room, she would laugh—so _that’s_ how it feels to get scolded by someone older. She then goes to find Illumi, cheerfully declaring that she also wants to train into a skilled assassin, and he looks at her emotionless for a few minutes before silently leading her to the Isolation Room.

The electrocutions burn her skin. She has never felt so much pain before and she cries, tears rolling down her face, but whatever she’s experiencing now is a hundred times better than the aching she endured by herself in the small room in the basement, no question. Clinging to her brother’s body to help her stand after the session is over, because her knees are weak and every muscle _hurts_ , Alluka sobs, but not once does she complain.

And then—

And then, because she must be _cursed_ , Nanika, who has been quiet all this time, wants out. She understands that Nanika must be feeling jealous since she has been getting so much attention the past few weeks while Nanika has been patiently waiting her turn.

They switch when they’re alone with a butler, Kasuga, one day. It’s completely random as it has always been, but Nanika said to wait until none of their family members were present, just in case.

And so, the requests begin.

“Kasuga-san,” Alluka reaches out both her arms as the butler leans forward to listen to the Zoldyck’s demands. “Give me your liver.”

Kasuga stammers, “Eh? Th-that’s, um…”

“No?” Alluka doesn’t feel like smiling but the grin never leaves her lips. She takes a step closer. “Then, Kasuga-san, give me your duodenum.”

Panic. “W-wait, Alluka-sama, let’s play a different game, okay?”

Alluka whines. “So you won’t do it?” A sigh, and she dreads what comes next, but asks anyway, because the woman _needs_ to fulfill the requests in order for Nanika to come out. “Kasuga-san, give me your spine.”

The butler falls back, shaking. _This girl is a monster._ “P-please, Alluka-sama…”

“Then, Kasuga-san, how about giving me your brain?”

Kasuga is shocked into silence, fear written all over her eyes. Alluka frowns at the butler’s refusal. In the next second, a total of sixty-seven people, including Kasuga herself, are dead.

When mother and father find out about the accident, there are no negotiations this time. Alluka is thrown back into her cell, once again locked behind metal doors in the too-familiar room. She slumps against the wall and suddenly everything is blinding. No more playing in the sandbox with Killua, no more messing with Milluki’s figurines; she even misses the training lessons with Illumi. And she’ll never get a chance to really know her younger brother, Kalluto, either.

Nanika is crying because she _just wanted to talk to her family_ and it’s all Alluka can do to curl herself in a ball, knees tucked into her chest, and murmur, _“it’s okay, it’ll be okay”_ over and over again.

This time, however, even she knows that it’s not true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay of this chapter; writer’s block hit hard. I have this terrible issue of knowing how I want the story to start and how it ends, but I don’t know how to tie it together. Honestly happens too often. And then there’s the problem of me telling myself to write fanfiction… only to find myself reading fanfiction instead. 
> 
> I’ve never written for Alluka before, so I hope this is okay. Longest chapter so far, which I wasn’t expecting at all. These were really just supposed to be drabbles… anyway, next will be Kalluto!

**Author's Note:**

> It is goddamn hard to write Illumi. I can’t get into his head. Oh myyy, I hope I did him justice.  
> This is going to be a five chapter series where I go through each of the Zoldyck children one by one, from oldest to youngest.  
> Next chapter is Milluki. I hope you stick around until the end!


End file.
